From Alma Mater Vol. 3: The West
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The Big Bang that made Caltech
Is the expansion of this blazed state,
Caused by pranksters, protons, professors—
With each expanse look at what we create:
The best school of technology & science,
Some say they’re the best, we reply, “that’s cute,”
We’re more creative than any other school,
Including That Other Institute.
Ditch Day is here—so here we go,
To explore the universe and any work—we shun,
With a manmade galaxy of contraptions and gadgets:
Caltech’s creators all make their own fun.
While seniors are off enjoying Rose Town,
The underclassmen deal with the Stacks,
Each House of Caltech has a strong bond…
And oh how these bonds react.
It begins with the first Rotation,
From Day One everything revolves—
Around this superawesometastic creation,
Which not only includes, but also involves.
Prefrosh tour Houses and find discovery…
Notably where they want to be,
Keep delving Cal’s space and it won’t be long
Till you find the House where you belong.
Could be Dabney Hovse as a Pumpkin-Drop host,
Carving in the letters: DEI,
In this class it’s never too late to drop,
When the Nitrogen falls, Techers let the sparks fly.
Or you may decide to become a Lloydie,
And help erect the Lloyd Christmas Tree,
A Pageboy that’s grateful not to suck,
Or a Rudd: The Navy of the North Three.
Or travel South and join Fleming House,
Where you’ll hear the cheer, “Go Big Red!”
This House is the home of the Fleming Cannon,
And pranksters who knock victims down a peg.
Or join the Skurves and fight for the brake drum,
Win or lose they will take you as you are,
Ricketts Hovse is the place to light your fire,
And then burn the house down until it turns tar.
You could join Avery and then Team Gotcha,
And spray each other daily if that’s your thang,
Or become a Mole over in the Blacker Hovse
As part of that God Damn Blacker Gang.
There’s competitions of intrahouse and interhouse
No matter the house when you decide to enter house,
Be prepared to compete but first wipe your feet,
Of past travels when glory’s at your feet.
Caltech, like all California, is heaven,
The beauty, the weather, this City of Roses,
A campus with pulchritude in high magnitude,
And an intake of scenery in Tech’s large doses.
The scenery in The Dena is known to take all,
Whichever house he’s from, she will accept him,
Let any Beaver plow through these gorgeous gardens,
That is, unless, his name is “Tim.”
Every season is RF Season,
Pulling pranks is easy as it can be,
Like ex-lax in the coffee as the victim heads off,
Saying, “I have to take an M-I-T!”
Every Tech House has Techers inside
Who take strong pride in their abode,
And when a guy tries to take a girl home,
She’s reminded of the Honor Code.
Where it’s OK to make scores at home,
The code assures he won’t take advantage!
And with the girls being so outnumbered,
He’s already at a disadvantage!
Techers hear Ride of the Valkyries play
Before charging through tests standing in the way
Of going on to be Masters in every aspect
And make bangs from the gold mine that is Caltech.
Follow ClydeAidoo.com for more poems from the Art of Mind and Alma Mater series shared daily. You can purchase Clyde Aidoo’s latest release, Alma Mater Vol. 3: The West, a poetic celebration of the top universities of the West by clicking the link below.